L E W E D :: the wait is worth it

This is a post for all of the lovely ladies who are either: currently dating someone that they've been with for several years, or currently not dating anyone and wondering if they will ever meet "the one".

As a Christian, there's this certain pressure to get married young and start your ministry as soon as possible.  Most girls are encouraged to get married during their college years and at my university there was a saying of getting your "ring by spring". As crazy as it may seem to some, I gave into this idea and wondered when I was going to get married. I started dating Elisha when I was 16 and as I've shared before, I was certain that we were going to get married - and so was he. We had initially wanted to get married once I graduated high school (kids in love). Plans changed when I decided to enroll in a 9 month intensive discipleship program called Master's Commission. It was like a mixture of an internship with the church and bible school; focusing on devoting your time and energy on your relationship with God. I was excited, but the only problem was the fact that during your first year, you weren't allowed to date. Which meant Elisha and I had to "break up". I put quotes because yes, we didn't date, we didn't talk or text, but in our hearts we knew that this was a season for us, but we were still going to be together.

So, we postponed the inevitable marriage. I ended up doing another year of Master's Commission and we were able to date again. After that year we moved to Texas and I started school in the Fall and he started his new position. We decided marriage during school just wasn't smart or responsible for us. We wanted to start fresh - no debt or school bills and full time jobs. So we waited.

Now, during these years, don't think I was cool, calm or collected. More often than not, I was a mess! I understood that there was a plan, but I'm a girl and as girls, we tend to freak out. I saw my friends getting married. They were getting married to guys that they had met, dated and married all during the time that Elisha and I had been together. It wasn't easy. Simply because I was just so ready to move onto the next phase with Elisha.

Here's what you need to understand; every moment you are with the man you love, should be enough. period. I remember God asking me, "what if you never got to marry Elisha?" I told Him that was ridiculous and He couldn't possibly be serious. Again, He asked the question and I thought to myself. Well, I would still be with him. If I could never be his wife, it would be beyond difficult, but I love him and I cannot imagine my life without him. It was in that moment that I understood. In whatever season we're in, close or far away from eachother, on a break or going strong, dating or married, we are together. Together forever.

I know the wait is hard. Oh trust me, I know. 

I guess I wanted to share this because it always encouraged me to know that there wasn't something wrong with me - like I wasn't the only one in the boat. There's quite a few in your boat. Most of the time I felt like I was the captain of the boat. But there was a day, when Elisha proposed, that in a single moment, all the waiting, all the tears, all the conversations with God, all the anxiety, worries and wondering, finally made sense. I know there could've been an easier way. I know we could've just gotten married right away, but if we had, I wouldn't have known God's faithfulness the way I do today. I am able to appreciate His loving care for us and His plan in an entirely new way. For that, I am grateful. It's our story. It's unique and it's not the way everyone should have it, but that's what makes our relationships so perfect. 

xo. melisa

She Said, He Said // P & D

How long have you been dating and/or married? 

She Said: 

How long have you been dating and/or married? 

We will have been married 16 years in November!!

He Said: 

My wife and I will be married for 15 years in November.  We actually celebrate 2 anniversaries.  One for when we were married by the law 15 years ago and the second is when we were married before God, in a church in Rio de Janeiro 8 years ago.

What did you think of each other when you first met? Was it love at first sight?

She Said: 

What did you think of them when you first met?  Was it love at first sight?

I thought Pete was a nice man when I first met him.  He seemed very sweet and kind.  However, it was not love at first sight.  

He Said: 

It was not love at first sight.  I am an internal auditor for a major oil company.  I met my wife when I audited her department.  The last thing she wanted to see were auditors.

What have you learned from your relationship?

She Said: 

I have learned that this relationship is the most precious thing that I have on this Earth and that it is to be guarded and cherished at all expense.  Good relationships take a lot of work. They are like gardens--they require lots of tending, watering, fertilizing and tender love. It is only when both parties are willing to participate that there can be success.  I have also learned that it is not always the most important thing to be right.  Sometimes how someone feels is much more important than proving your point. When it is necessary to prove your point though, prove it with love and kindness.  Strength of couple rather than self is built in a relationship where love and kindness are exercised in all things.  In summary, through my relationship I have finally learned to live and be happy.

He Said: 

I have learned from my relationship that marriages, and for that matter all relationships, are based on trust, healthy communication, and a recognition that both parties need to be able to compromise a bit for the good of the whole.

Who makes the decisions in your relationship?

She Said: 

With regard to what to have for dinner--me. With regard to what music to listen to--Pete.  With regard to all other things, it is a joint decision.

He Said: 

We make all major decisions together.

When did you know you had found "the one"?

She Said: 

I knew I had found "the one" when I was faced with a difficult decision regarding my career.  I had been offered a dream job in another state a few months after we started dating.  I asked Pete about the job fully expecting him to tell me I had to choose between the job and him (which is what a selfish person would do).  However, he told me that I had to pursue my dream and that if we were meant to be, it would all work out.  This is the first time in my life that anyone had put me and my dreams first.  At this point, I knew in my heart that if I were to ever get married, it would be to this man.  (Note that I was thirty-four at the time and had pretty much settled on the fact that I would be single forever.)  I moved to the other state and we continued to date long distance.   Needless to say, I discovered that my dream was in Texas with my sweetheart.  After a year and eight months apart, I moved back to Texas as Pete's wife.

He Said: 

I knew I had found "the one" as soon as we began talking about our value system and our definitions of right and wrong.

What is the best advice you have to offer a new couple?

She Said: 

There are basically three things that lead to a successful relationship/marriage.  1) Let no one come between you and your spouse/significant other.  Only God should be above your spouse/significant other.  If you are committed to this relationship, then you have to put your all into it.  2) Communicate.  Your relationship will never make it unless both parties agree to communicate.  Communication is not always easy.  Hard things sometimes need to be said but it is always better to say them up front rather than have them fester in your heart.  The key is to say them with love.  Remember to choose your words carefully--they cannot be taken back.  While you can say sorry, that word never fully erases the sting of sharp words which are never forgotten.  3)  Love and kindness should flow both ways.  Don't always expect to be the recipient of all things good in the relationship.  As much, if not more, satisfaction can be had from giving.  Giving doesn't always mean material things either.  Material things are societies way of expressing love.  Giving of yourself and your time make for some of the most wonderful gifts.  I have a card that Pete made for me early in our relationship.  I have it framed and hanging in our bedroom.  If I had to leave our home quickly and could only take a few things with me, that would be one of the first things I would grab because it is precious to me.  

He Said: 

The best advice I can give to new couples is that each person in the marriage needs to always look for ways to please the other.  If both parties do that consistently then the marriage will be successful.  There will be disagreements but as long as neither party dwells on them, then they will not become the focus.

What was your first date?

She Said: 

A picnic/BBQ hosted by one of Pete's colleagues at work.

He Said: 

Our first meal together was we met for lunch at Ninfa's Mexican Restaurant so I could return some tapes which I had conveniently not returned to her earlier.  Our first real date was an office party at the boss's lake house in Conroe.  When I reached out to hold her hand we both literally felt "electricity".

What are five words that describe you?

She Said: 

Compassionate, loyal, faithful, loving and smart 

He Said: 

Positive - I always look at the glass as half full. 

Caring - I care for my loved ones and will protect them to the end. Loved ones include my wife, my children, and my entire family.  Oh, and our 4 beautiful kitties. 

Christian - I love my God and my Savior. 

Giving - I will freely give of my time, finances, and spiritual gifts to the glory of His Kingdom. 

Musical -While I am not a musician, I am a lover of a wide range of musical genre, from Mariachi to Hip Hop, from Eminem to Ella Fitzgerald, from Gipsy Kings to Jerry Butler.

What are five words that describe your significant other?

She Said: 

Loving, beautiful (inside and outside), smart, compassionate and loyal/faithful (five words are not enough!!)

He Said: 

Loving - I am fully blessed with her love.  She deeply cares for all animals and will protect our 4 kittens from any harm at any cost.  She loves those who love and care for her. 

Discerning - One of her many spiritual gifts is the incredible ability to know when something/someone is not right in a particular situation. 

Intelligent - She is the smartest woman I have ever met. 

Faithful -She is faithful to God and to her friends she is faithful to the end. 

Sexy - As I said, I am blessed with the most beautiful and gorgeous woman alive.

It's always fun to gain wisdom from our parents. It was fun to hear from my Dad and Stepmom and hopefully soon, we can hear from my Mom and Stepdad! 

Would you like to be featured in a She Said, He Said post?? We are currently taking applicants for the upcoming months. If you're interested and would like more info, you can email me at Melisaholguin@gmail.com