10.15.2013

L E W E D :: the wait is worth it


This is a post for all of the lovely ladies who are either: currently dating someone that they've been with for several years, or currently not dating anyone and wondering if they will ever meet "the one".

As a Christian, there's this certain pressure to get married young and start your ministry as soon as possible.  Most girls are encouraged to get married during their college years and at my university there was a saying of getting your "ring by spring". As crazy as it may seem to some, I gave into this idea and wondered when I was going to get married. I started dating Elisha when I was 16 and as I've shared before, I was certain that we were going to get married - and so was he. We had initially wanted to get married once I graduated high school (kids in love). Plans changed when I decided to enroll in a 9 month intensive discipleship program called Master's Commission. It was like a mixture of an internship with the church and bible school; focusing on devoting your time and energy on your relationship with God. I was excited, but the only problem was the fact that during your first year, you weren't allowed to date. Which meant Elisha and I had to "break up". I put quotes because yes, we didn't date, we didn't talk or text, but in our hearts we knew that this was a season for us, but we were still going to be together.

So, we postponed the inevitable marriage. I ended up doing another year of Master's Commission and we were able to date again. After that year we moved to Texas and I started school in the Fall and he started his new position. We decided marriage during school just wasn't smart or responsible for us. We wanted to start fresh - no debt or school bills and full time jobs. So we waited.

Now, during these years, don't think I was cool, calm or collected. More often than not, I was a mess! I understood that there was a plan, but I'm a girl and as girls, we tend to freak out. I saw my friends getting married. They were getting married to guys that they had met, dated and married all during the time that Elisha and I had been together. It wasn't easy. Simply because I was just so ready to move onto the next phase with Elisha.

Here's what you need to understand; every moment you are with the man you love, should be enough. period. I remember God asking me, "what if you never got to marry Elisha?" I told Him that was ridiculous and He couldn't possibly be serious. Again, He asked the question and I thought to myself. Well, I would still be with him. If I could never be his wife, it would be beyond difficult, but I love him and I cannot imagine my life without him. It was in that moment that I understood. In whatever season we're in, close or far away from eachother, on a break or going strong, dating or married, we are together. Together forever.

I know the wait is hard. Oh trust me, I know. 

I guess I wanted to share this because it always encouraged me to know that there wasn't something wrong with me - like I wasn't the only one in the boat. There's quite a few in your boat. Most of the time I felt like I was the captain of the boat. But there was a day, when Elisha proposed, that in a single moment, all the waiting, all the tears, all the conversations with God, all the anxiety, worries and wondering, finally made sense. I know there could've been an easier way. I know we could've just gotten married right away, but if we had, I wouldn't have known God's faithfulness the way I do today. I am able to appreciate His loving care for us and His plan in an entirely new way. For that, I am grateful. It's our story. It's unique and it's not the way everyone should have it, but that's what makes our relationships so perfect. 


xo. melisa

2 comments:

  1. i just want to second everything you said! i didn't start dating my husband til college, but we dated for 4 years before tying the knot this past june. going to a christian college as well and having the same pressures as you and watching all of my friends get married (and even some of them have kids!) was tough. but you are totally right, i knew that we would always be together, and waiting an extra two years after completing college to pay things off and get situated in our lives and jobs was well worth the wait! looking back to see how God had a plan to take us through things that we would need to learn before getting married in those extra years of waiting, i am so thankful and reminded of how God has blessed us. thanks for sharing your story--and such a cute blog!

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  2. thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. Believe it or not, this very thing is something that I've been struggling a lot with lately. Right now, I'm with the guy that I know I will marry. The thing is, is that we won't be married for several years. He is in a band and they tour a lot, and we both want to graduate college and I still have a couple years left. In my college group at church, a typical dating period is six months with about a six month engagement. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, so the "when's he gonna put a ring on it?!" questions have started flowing in. It's been frustrating. It's so easy to get swept away and putting all my focus on the next step in life. But I don't want that to make me miss out the wonderful stage of dating that we are in now. Thank you, for the reminder to use this time to grow in my relationship with God, and well as to truly enjoy and cherish each and ever moment that I have with my wonderful boyfriend. Thank you for also reminding me that just because we are on a slower track to the inevitable than most of my friends, that doesn't mean that our relationship is worth less than theirs, or that we just don't love each other as much.

    Geez, sorry for such a long comment, but you have no idea how much I needed to read something like this now.

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