I've been told to grow up, to adjust and to change
but the change so required of me
to see a change in me
that quite simply
I don't want there
It's a nagging, a groaning, a punch in the face
A reminder each morning that I'm somehow not enough
That the hopes and the dreams I once had won't come true
That the me I once thought I could be
I am growing, adjusting and changing
Not into the woman the world would like me to be
But into a me that I would be proud of
One who I would look up to and aspire to be
A woman whose strength and potential come together as one
Accomplishing the impossible with grace and a smile
I am more than just me
I am all I can be
I am everything I never was
and all that I hope to become
I am running away
Into a sea of impossibility
Trusting that change has prepared me a way
With boldness and determination I will not only stay
I will grow
I will grow
I will grow
I will become the very best me I can possibly be
This is the truth that I trust and I know
I will change for the good.
details // skirt: thrifted, top: american eagle, belt: urban outfitters, shoes: aldo,
necklaces: fossil/anthropologie, watch: fossil, clutch: made by hank
I've been thoroughly enjoying my vacation this past week. I'll be headed back to work tomorrow, but until then, I plan on spending some more time with friends, taking pretty photos with my new camera and wearing whatever I please.
As I mentioned last week, I had the privilege of taking students to youth camp this week. It was incredible. I never had the chance to go to camp when I was a kid, so I think I'm pretty lucky to take part in it now as an adult. It's such a different experience than anything else. It's like this completely set apart moment in time that completely changes your life. It's incredible to see a student go from being anxious, angry, selfish and filled with resentment, sadness and loneliness to a new person; a person that when I look at, I can't help but believe in a God that loves.
I know I give this disclaimer every time I mention God, but I understand that the world doesn't all share my beliefs. If these posts make you feel uncomfortable, I apologize, that's not at all my intention, but I do hope that you find a way to apply the truths that I share, in your own life. Because if you do decide to continue reading, there's a pretty special nugget of truth I think you might like.
I'm a worrier by nature. I stress, I get anxious, I'm impatient and I like plans. When disorder clutters my life I can't help but begin to panic. There's something special that happens when you can lean on someone else for safety, for assurance, for strength... There's a trust, a bond, that forms - something I believe can rarely be broken. This past week I was reminded of how good God is. God's goodness never ceases to amaze me, but more than that, the fact that He shares that goodness with me... gosh, it just overwhelms me. Getting to be a part of what God was doing in these students lives, seeing them being freed of sickness, thoughts and feelings that made them feel awful - truly changing into people who love life, who have a new appreciation for who they are, and expressing joy. Sitting in those services, it was impossible to deny that a good God existed and He was in that room with each of those 940 students. Seeing them learn to lean on God, challenged my faith.
Whether you believe what I believe, or if you've never had a conversation with God, I challenge you to get alone, take a piece of paper, write out everything on your heart and let it go. This is something I started to do when I graduated high school. It was a time in my life when I truly began changing into the person I am today - it was difficult. Sitting in my room, taking out my journal and titling it "on my heart," I'd write out every worry and every fear, every situation that seemed impossible and in that moment I gave it over to God. It was so exciting going back through those journals months later and seeing how far from those issues I was.
We're always growing. Isn't that a weird thought? Whether we want to change or not, change is constantly at our doorstep. I hope I change for the good. Looking back on my life I want to look back and say, "I have no idea how I got here". haha. But really, I hope I do more than I ever thought I possibly could do - challenge yourself to become the unexpected.
The other day I treated myself to a little vintage shopping. I was so pleased with my findings. I love how delicate and pretty vintage pieces can be. I think it's extra special when the things in your home have a story.
I also purchased two rings which aren't photographed, but I'll share soon. I like to think of my daughter going through all of my jewelry pieces in years to come, asking where I got each one. It makes picking out special pieces even more exciting!
I have big plans for the scrapbook you just saw! I haven't taken any photos of it yet, but a transformation has occurred and I just can't wait to share it with you!
I'm off to camp for the week so if the blog seems a bit quiet for a few days, no worries, I shall return! Five days, car rides, crazy games, late nights, hundreds of teenagers... I'm bound to have some stories^_^
details // dress: forever 21, belt: urban outfitters, boots: minnetonka, bracelet: snash jewelry,
necklace: fossil with charms from anthropologie
anytime i'm not feeling too well, I usually try and dress up as much as possible. do any of you girls do this? I feel the need to overcompensate and make myself look the complete opposite of how I feel. This is what I wore once I had the courage to leave my bed and not be sick anymore. I'm finally starting to feel better. thanks for the happy thoughts sent my way for my birthday. It was special and i'll share more on it soon!
forgive my sudden leave of absence. I've been ill the last few days. The days have been consumed with a significant amount of sleeping, flavorless foods, sleeping and tv watching - really just a Dawson's Creek marathon (be still my 90's lovin heart). Fortunately, I think I'm on the up and up and things should be headed back to normal soon.
at 5:42 PM
I believe there is a silent strength within us all
it lies dormant until it hears us call.
At the sound of my beating heart drum,
the will within me grows & grows.
An eagerness & willingness to fight,
to rise to the challenge
or to fall to my knees
There is something inside that I cannot deny,
a strength & a power
much greater than I.
Like a lion it roars
Like a whisper it's hushed.
It is strong & courageous,
contained & steadfast,
perfectly timed & not ever rushed.
It is silent & strong
and lives within me.
A strength that's contained
that I soon will set free.
I'd like to start sharing some of my poems with you. It's taken me quite some time to get to a place where I feel comfortable doing so. As I'm not a professional writer by any means, I still find so much joy in putting my pen to paper and expressing my heart through words. I thought maybe some of you may enjoy my writings, so I've pushed myself into a slightly uncomfortable place, in the hopes that I will learn to grow and share more of myself. A lesson I think we all can learn; that putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations will sometimes give us courage and strength to go through anything; big or small.
at 10:26 PM
details // skirt: forever21, top: francesca's, belt: urban outfitters, purse: fossil, earrings: c/o indie and chic, ring: pie n' the sky
Today was kind of perfect. Sundays are always fun filled and usually consist of church and friends. I got to eat lunch with some sweet friends then took a trip to ft worth for some relaxing alone time. Of course, I had to stop in to anthro and pick up a few little things. Then I went and visited the mr. He will be spending the next five weeks helping run the summer youth camps. I'm proud of all he does, but I sure do miss him during this time; it's all for a greater good though.
Hope you enjoyed the end to your weekend. I have a feeling this week is going to fly! Any fun plans for this year's independence day? Do you have any fun traditions?? I must admit that I have none; maybe that needs to change!