a word of encouragement

I want to be me and I want that to be enough. Have you ever looked at a girl and thought, "I bet her life is amazing. She's pretty, sweet, and everyone loves her. I wish I could be more like her"? Of course you have! Why? Because it's in our nature to want to be better, but often times we confuse being better with being different. We were never intended to be different in the sense of losing our true selves, but merely changing the faults we may have in order to maintain a healthier self image of ourselves.
I often question who I am. I catch myself more often than not, trying to see myself the way others see me and because of that perception, I attempt to alter who I am to make myself seem more appealing. For instance, when I'm in a crowd, I usually don't talk a lot right off the bat, I like to be engaged and observe people, so to others I may appear shy or even stuck up, so I try and change to become more outgoing so that people will see my true colors immediately. 

I don't always want people to see who I am right away. I know this may sound strange, but for me, it's a privilege when people open up to me. It's a privilege to know who they truly are and not some facade that they put up for others to see. It's a privilege to know the heart of a person; why they say what they say or do what they do, to truly understand them as a human being. I don't want to give that away all willy nilly! I want people to have to work for my friendship, wow that sounds weird! I only mean that if someone wants to get to know me then they should try and get to know me. I don't want to throw myself, so to speak, at them to try and convince them that I am the kind of person who they should be friends with. I have a very small circle of true friends. I have acquaintances and friends, but true bosom buddies if you will, are hard to come by. 
I'm not closed off to friendships, by any means! I love making new friends, I love getting to know people and I value all friendships that I have. However, there are only a select few that have the privilege of seeing me at my worst and thus deserving to see me at my best. True friendships are not only lasting, but ever enduring. Knowing who I am, where I've been, who I once was and who I hope to be, these are all things that take time and trust to share. Does that make me a closed off person?? Maybe. I know I've struggled with being more open and this little blog has truly helped me grow in this area. The fact that I'm even sharing this... 
So what is the purpose of this anyway? Are you like me or do you find yourself always shining, as the center of attention. Do you feel like you sometimes have to change who you are, simply to gain approval from those around you? A friend accepts you for who you are. I'm pretty sure that's on a hallmark card, but I like it. I like who I am, even though I'm not the chattiest with strangers, or take a while to warm up to, I have a genuine love for people and I value the friends that God has placed in my life. Take time to say thank you to your friends, for loving you inspite of who you are, and remember that you never have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own.



  1. Seriously, I couldn't have said it better myself. That was beautifully written!! Thanks for being so honest.


  2. I am a lot like that as well!
    I've never liked being the center of attention because of my former weight issue. Since losing the weight, however, sometimes I still feel like the big girl in my mind. Weird, I know, but God is working on me to get out of my comfort zone. It's hard not to feel awkward, but I'm a work in progress... :)
    I love your candidness and honesty!

  3. i love your blog and you are absolutely stunning!

    xo the egg out west.

  4. Anonymous13.2.12

    beautifully written :)

  5. I'm much like you in that I'm very particular in how well I let people know me. I'm picky with the group of people I surround myself with too. I believe it's important to keep a few, close friends nearby that will keep you grounded and be loyal. I really don't have any close friends that know me all that well, I mean really know me like my dark secrets and desires. Sometimes I will spill out alot about me to a casual friend and then regret telling them. I don't know if it's because I'm worried what they will think of me or if I don't think they will care and say anything. I've also learned having a blog helps, but sometimes I find myself sharing too much. I write in a journal, so sometimes when I'm blogging I'll find myself ramblings on about things I should probably keep to myself, haha! It's all about finding that balance and staying in those boundaries while being myself.

  6. this is soooo me. i definitely am more of an observer when i meet new people, or am in a group. i've had people tell me in the past that when they met me they thought I was mean or shy simply because i didn't open up to them right away. but once they got to know me they see that i'm truly the opposite.
    xo dana

  7. OMG I am the exact same way and I don't think I could have articulated it any better! (Seriously I just typed and deleted 2 sentences 3 times to explain myself more but I can't!!) It's too hard to put into words but you did it perfectly and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!!

  8. p.s. just bought two things from your closet :)

  9. you basically described me in this post! I am the same way when it comes to having a close circle of friends and not really showing who I am to just anyone who comes along. Anyone who is willing to work to have a friendship is someone who is going to be around for the long haul.

  10. Wow haha I'm surprised I didn't see my name mentioned in there somewhere! I feel that way sometimes..I'm always afraid people will take it the wrong way when I don't speak up right away. Like maybe by not talking I may be missing a chance to make a new friend or something. For the most part I'm comfortable with who I am, but sometimes I fear that maybe -- being shy is wrong? I know that sounds crazy but sometimes I wonder if there are people who think that. I guess because a lot of people portray being shy as bad. I could go on forever, but I wont. Thank you for writing this post!!

  11. I know how feel. I am not exactly a social butterfly...but I have a small circle of friends who know who I really am.

    Loved this post! Very encouraging.

  12. Stephanie15.2.12

    I can identify with this so much, and actually I have been thinking about this lately a lot. Everything you said was right on the spot on how I feel about it. In my school people always see me as the kind of loner because I'm not friends with everyone, but actually, I prefer it that way. It's so good knowing that I'm not the only one that feels this way, thanks for sharing!