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Forgive me for a moment, while I air out some of my current frustrations with the world. What happened to loving ourselves? When did it become so normal to not be ourselves? What if we stopped judging ourselves and putting the blame on others? Because that's what happens isn't it? We say that others will find us repulsive if we don't wear makeup, or others will look down on us if we're not dressed a certain way. But that's mostly just talk and the root of it is in our heads. 

What if we started to own our face; the one we were born with, the one that resembles our mother's and her mother's. What if we learned to love it, short eyelashes, dark circles, sparse eyebrows and all. What if we looked in the mirror and saw all that was right, instead of all that is wrong. What if we stepped out the door with courage and boldness, not worried of how we would be perceived, but insisting that the world begin to see us for who we truly are.

What if we decided we had had enough and this became our new way of life. Would there be fires and panic? Would the world soldier on? Yes, it would do just that. And women from all around the world would lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Comparison would no longer be an issue, and insecurity would no longer be a way of life. 

I understand that this is no small feat, but it is a goal. One that I believe we should all seek to achieve. I believe in a day where women will love themselves and not be accused of being conceited. I believe there will be a day when beauty is not measured by numbers of height and weight, but by the smiles she gives and the kindness she shares. I believe in a world where women look different and it's not just accepted, but it's applauded. Where you can look at yourself with excitement in knowing that you are not like any other out there; that you are you and that is not simply enough, but it is everything. 

I'm no longer buying into the ideal. Because "ideally", I would not fit into a specific size, or have hair a certain length, or wear a certain brand, but "ideally" I would simply learn to love myself the way I am. Every day you have the choice to be swayed by the opinions of others, thus hiding yourself under excuses - "oh it's just a bad hair day", "I didn't have enough time to get ready", "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night" - or, you can own up to who you are. We are fatally flawed, but it's our flaws that make us so perfect - they set us apart and make us unique. Without the very things we seek to rid ourselves of, we become less and less. 

Stop shrinking ladies. Stop saying you're not enough. Stop forcing yourself to stay quiet. Stop hating yourself. Love yourself. Stand up straight. Wear the clothes you feel great in. Speak your mind. Have an opinion. Share your views. Seek opportunities. You are worthy and deserving of a beautiful life. Stop believing that you are small and insignificant. You are more. You are more than what you do on a daily basis. You have more voice than you let yourself use. You have more personality than you let yourself share. You are not defined by your looks, your wardrobe, your pay or the car you drive. You are more. You are already who you want to be, you simply have to give yourself the permission to be you. 

And that's all I have to say for now.

xo. melisa


  1. Absolutely AMAZING!!!! Thank you Melisa, this was just what I needed right now- I could not agree more, thank you for this beautiful articulation & for being this very representation of a woman I aspire to be.

  2. This is perfect.

  3. Thank you so much for this post x

  4. Yes, but how?
    I'd love to be able to look in the mirror and not be reduced to tears, but I don't know how.

    1. This breaks my heart, because I've been there. I've looked at myself and thought, if only I didn't have this, if only this was smaller or my hair looked like that... I've stood in front of an image and pointed out everything that was wrong. For some reason, we as women find that to be the only need for a mirror - to point out our flaws. But what if we decided to use it for it's purpose - to see ourselves for who we are and not who we wish we could be? What if the next time you stood in front of a mirror, you saw Char. You saw your pretty dark brown hair, the striking angles of your profile, the two beautiful eyes that allow you to see all the beauty in the world, the smile that only you possess that brings life to a room... what if you looked in the mirror and saw all that was right instead of all that is wrong? Because what is right and wrong when it comes to how we look? Who defines what is beautiful and what is a mistake? Let me just say that nothing about you is a mistake. You were created in the image of a loving God who knew you before you were born, who has a plan and a purpose for you. So when you look at yourself, you can rest assured that everything is as it should be.

      I know it's not easy, but it's a process. If you can look at who you are, examine your inmost being, and find one thing that you love about yourself, then you're one step closer to loving all of who you are. Next time you think of something you wish you could change about yourself, ask yourself why? Why do you hate your ______ so much? Is it because of something someone else has said? "A lion does not lose sleep over the opinion of sheep". You're a lion! You are stronger and more beautiful than you even realize. Do not allow the opinions of those who do not matter, to affect the way that you feel, or see yourself. You are worth more than their opinion.

      I could talk for days on this topic, because I have felt the struggle and yes, still go through it daily. If our happiness in ourselves is rooted in our looks then we're doing it wrong. Find your peace and joy in who you are inside - a cliche, yes, but truth - learning to love ourselves isn't always just a surface issue. We are all a work in progress, but progress is the key word. We have to fight daily to love ourselves, because there is a world out there just waiting to rip us apart. Remember that you are loved and you are beautiful - there is no one else like you, so i'd venture to say that that makes you pretty darn special! Love you girl!