8.12.2011

On Insecurity...


We all have them and yet more often than not we find ourselves feeling completely alone in our insecurities. Truth is we all carry at least one insecurity; whether it's in our looks, our personality or talents... we all feel insecure at some point.

Most of my life I was awkward, you can read more on this here. I still to this day think that I'm terribly awkward, maybe not so much outwardly, but on the inside I feel very much like the girl with glasses who doesn't really fit in. Growing up I struggled with trying to find my place. I wasn't the outgoing pretty girl, I didn't play sports, I sang, but I wasn't in a cool band... I didn't really fit any of the typical high school stereotypes, so I just befriended everyone.

I really hate talking about this kind of stuff to be quite honest. I feel like most people would assume that I have no insecurities, like "woe is me I'm too skinny and tall", but truth is, I really do struggle with insecurities. I know some people would also look at me and think that I've never been picked on, but to that I would say, au contraire. Yes, I have been skinny my whole life. I have been blessed with a very fast metabolism, and have never struggled with trying to maintain my weight, but that didn't stop people from making up rumors that I had an eating disorder... it didn't stop people from grabbing my wrists and saying how skinny I was and that I needed to eat more, it didn't even stop people from making up wild outlandish stories about me simply because they thought I was stuck up, based solely on my weight. Yes, this really happened.


As girls we have to stop putting each other down. Don't gossip, don't make fun, don't poke at the things you know other girls are struggling with. Words hurt. I can still remember every put down anyone has ever said to me. I remember them when I look at myself in the mirror, I hear the words when I try something new and the sad thing is, some of those things may never leave me. We don't have to believe them, but what you say to your friends or even people you don't know, will stay with them. We're all insecure enough as it is, we don't need to add to it.

Being a girl is hard. The media as well as our peers paints this picture of the dream girl and we're told that this is beauty and anything less just isn't good enough. Feeling like you constantly have to live up to this certain expectation is quite exhausting and it wasn't until I decided that I would never be "that" girl and that the world would benefit more from having a me than another one of those girls, that I was finally happy with myself. Insecurity is a daily struggle. It's so much easier to point out the negative things than it is to focus on the positive things about ourselves, because we desire perfection. No one is perfect though. Yes, we should strive for excellence; we should try to be the best, healthiest versions of ourselves as we can be, but we should be proud to be different and unique.

I am awkward. I like animals way too much. I'm not the life of the party. I'm not the most talented. I'm very opinionated. I have long arms and have been asked to return big bird's legs. I've been made fun of for having a big mouth (literally). I'm not very good at small talk. I have a mole on my toe and I may never be the best at anything, but I'm me. I am exactly who God made me to be and I strive to grow and learn and change. With each day I love myself more and more, not because I'm self obsessed, but because I cannot expect anyone to love me, let alone like me, if I don't even like myself.

So what is the point of this? Well let me tell you... you're not the only one who feels this way. Whatever way it is you may be feeling; feeling alone, feeling useless, feeling overweight, feeling ugly, feeling like you're not good enough, feeling used, feeling unwanted, feeling depressed, feeling anxious, feeling cast-out... you're not alone. Yes, some people may have it all together, but let's be honest people, if I, the crazy crazy perfectionist, can admit to feeling insecure, I hope you can too. It might be small or it might be so huge you feel like it's taking over your life. I just wanted you to know I was right there with you and there is hope.

>> Embrace your imperfections. I used to be crazy self conscious about my shoulder bones. People would point them out and talk about how terribly skinny I was and it made me feel like I looked malnourished. They stick out and they're very prominent so I used to try and hide them. I finally realized that the only reason I hated them was because others had pointed them out. I actually grew to love them and decided that they were one of the things that set me apart.
>> Trust your own voice. It's easy to let others' opinions of you outweigh your opinion of yourself. You have to learn to be secure in who you are and not be easily swayed by what others have to say. Words hurt and they stick with you, but we don't have to believe them.
>> Love yourself. Don't become narcissistic, but learning to love yourself is key. You were created with a purpose, with a special light that was meant to shine and the ability to be someone that no one else can possibly be... you.

I am nowhere near as insecure today as I was ten years ago, or even five years ago, but like I said, words and past judgements are always looming. My appearance has changed, yes, but because I still feel so much like that 15 year old girl who was uncertain of who she was, I still struggle with seeing myself for who I am today. Insecurities make us unsure of who God has made us to be. They cause us to question not only His work, but others as well. We try and measure up to the qualifications of others and admit to not being enough. Insecurities do nothing but hold us back from realizing our potential and turning them into our greatest strengths. Insecurities say that we are less than and we will never be good enough. Basically, insecurities are lame. So don't give in girls. You are much too talented, beautiful, charming, intelligent, driven and lovely to give into such lies. You don't need to have insecurities, but if you do, know that we're all fighting them off too and you are not alone.




xo. melisa




15 comments:

  1. I cant even sum up what I want to say, other than Thank you, and this post was inspiring and amazing.

    XO

    SMJ

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  2. this is great. thank you for posting this up and showing love and support for all girls out there. <3

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  3. Agreed. I really think that a lot of girls/women need to hear this. And I know how you feel, people judging you because you're skinny, and it sucks, almost makes me feel bad for it. But you're right, we've all just got to embrace who we are, how we are, and share the love with others.

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  4. I'm so blown away by this post- I really needed to see this. Thank you so much for the encouraging words! You're wonderful!

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  5. this is beautiful. I know what you mean when you said you littterally have a big mouth bc i struggle with that also and will not smile in pictures bc of it. it's something i'm learning to live with.
    Thank you for the post, i needed to hear this SO much and it couldnt have come at a better time.

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  6. How wonderfully written. I think girls are not only hard on themselves but each other too.

    I have a super hard time not comparing myself to other women. Every now and again I try to pause and tell myself that it doesn't matter how often I compare myself because I'm not going to change. You just need to be happy with what you're given.

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  7. Well said Melisa! Thanks for sharing...it reminds me of the song "More Beautiful" and I just posted it on our blog inspired of your story :)

    XOXO,
    Athena

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  8. I enjoyed that :) you are so very talented at expressing your heart! Thank you for sharing it. I love you!

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  9. This is one of the most inspiring and best things I have ever had the pleasure to read. Thank you. You've given me strength. You're beautiful. This really made me feel empowered.

    ~Kaili

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  10. Can I just say that you are so wise and brave. Knowing you personally, I know this was a super difficult post for you to write. But your openess and vulnerability has inspired so many. You've already taught me so many things about myself in the short amount of time we've been close and I know God has placed a special call on your life to minister to so many more women. Thanks for being a willing vessel thru which God will encourage so many. Love you, proud of you, and thrilled to call you my friend!!

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  11. i too was SUPER skinny in high school and CONSTANTLY teased for my knobby knees, flat chest, etc.

    i am so glad you posted this. oh the things we know now! if only i could go back and time and tell them to my awkward 15-year-old self. :)

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  12. This reminds me of the year before last my art teacher was convinced (no matter how I often I told her otherwise) I was anorexic and would force me to eat the extra lunch that she would bring just for me EVERYDAY. She would sit and watch me eat it...ugh!

    (but I was in college and it was free food yumm!)

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    Replies
    1. That is INSANE!! How rude was that of your art teacher? Unfortunately that's the kind of criticism we go through. It's so demeaning.

      xoxo,Darling
      www.LittleSexyBody.com

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  13. I'm a new reader, and this is the first post I've read of your blog. I love it so much because it's something that is so relatable. I know completely how you feel, being the awkward girl that didn't fit in myself. But like you, I've come to love and accept myself for exactly who I am. Kudos to you for loving yourself and for being so open with this post! Looking forward to reading more. :)

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  14. I love that you spoke about this. These days people think of bullying and never think of the skinny girl. We have been made to feel less than a woman due to how thin we are. My best friend and I recently started a blog because of this, it's crazy the amount of criticism we STILL hear as adults. Thank you so much for posting this!

    xoxo,
    Darling
    www.LittleSexyBody.com

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